David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren · 2 min. Lesezeit · visibility 0 ·

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My love, you’re perfect as you are: I’m gonna change you

My love, you’re perfect as you are: I’m gonna change youFew things are more important in one’s life, and many have written about it along humankind history: Love

No human can live without any of its forms, whether is fraternal, motherly or lovers love.

So-called irrational love, (despite there is nothing more irrational than love), like uniquely self-loving, or obsessing love though, can be destructive.

Sadly enough, it is already an undeniable and increasing trend that couples and marriages are lasting much less than years ago. You can see more in detail at the buzz of Matt 🐝 Sweetwood  https://www.bebee.com/producer/@msweetwood/it-s-time-to-change-the-way-marriage-works

Certainly, the idea he is proposing, a “making marriage a 2-year renewable deal”, would avoid the disguising effects of falling in love.

It is a fact that when you are in love, accordingly to the studies of Arthur Aron, and Domeena Renshaw among others, 

the brain is literally flooded by a mixture of dopamine, adrenaline and other chemical reactions which inevitably, alter our reasoning as badly as cocaine or opiates do.

We would consider nuts someone who would take decisions which would affect his/her entire life under the effect of drugs. But lovers do.

If this “drugs flooding” is something inevitable, how our oldies managed to have long lasting marriages, just a generation ago?

By those days, at least in my country, an engagement was supposed to be carried at least two to three years. During this time, the couple would expend their time together getting ready their future life, including material things like a home and what it was needed on it, a place where to grow the future children, as well as building relationships with each other’s relatives.

They had to face many difficulties together, so along the way, they got to know each other, goods and bads, and learned how to live with each other.

If something was not fitting, both had the opportunity to step back in the security of each one’s home, and get advising from their parents on how they surpassed similar difficulties, who could talk from the perspective of the experience and not influenced by the “drugs flooding”, with an objective point of view focused on the best result.

Whenever it happened that the marriage was non-viable, it could be seen with time to fall back and no harm was done, no suffering, no children in grievous situations like nowadays.

We have wrongly reverted the process

As above described, the process of getting married was in the end like:

  • Getting to know someone
  • admiring him/her
  • trusting him/her
  • loving him/her
  •  learning about/of him/her
  • adapting to him/her, struggling to build a life together
  • needing him/her in a way that a sole life was not thinkable anymore, on which every single thing was needed to be done as two parties decision in order to be complete and satisfactory.
  • Marriage

Nowadays, the process is like this:

  • Needing someone with selfish purposes, like independence or personal targets
  • Making our own plans about the kind of marriage that should fit us
  • Looking for someone who fits in our plans
  • Making ourselves desirable to the eyes of the other, according to the other's premises, but just in appearance, no real intention of adaptation intended.
  • Sex like if it was no tomorrow
  • Setting the “love nest” with no effort
  • Marriage
  • Deception
  • Untrustworthiness
  • Need of self-realisation
  • Professional counsellors short after
  • Divorce

In short, we have forgotten that marriage is “us” instead of “I and you”.

People get married thinking that the other will provide the parts missing on us, while it is the other way round. We need to be complete before, so we have something to offer and not just incomplete personalities.

Marriage is about being generous, not selfish, and be ready to build something else which inevitably will change us as individuals becoming something else, not him, not her, a combination of both, two parts of one unit.

And yes, my love, you’re perfect as you are: I’m gonna change you, and you will do it willingly.

There is no better way to describe it as it was done in As good as it gets, see it in youtube " You Make Me Want to Be a Better Man - As Good as It Gets" 

If you enjoyed this post, you might find interesting this one too

https://www.bebee.com/producer/@david-navarro-lopez/catching-butterflies





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David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #25

#21
It is an honour to become such a thoughtful comment from you, dear Lance. Thank you so much for sharing here and at tweeter. (never had so many retweets before, LOL) You are completely spot on, pointing out that the "roots" are essential. Sadly enough, we have entered in a spiral of selfishness. Games are "solo" intended, in comparison to the games we used to play. Friendships are virtual. Old people are not respected anymore, just pushed away of our lives as an old broken toy. People wrongly understand that in order to keep their safety, not to be harmed, need to put distance to others, not to get involved or committed. Part of the happiness is as well take the risk of being harmed, trust the others, knowing that they are imperfect too, same as you, and will make errors. So what? Making errors is human, and accepting them is divine. You might like these post too https://www.bebee.com/producer/@david-navarro-lopez/where-do-we-go-from-here https://www.bebee.com/producer/@david-navarro-lopez/those-crazy-little-ones

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #24

#24
Absolutely, Pascal.

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

vor 4 Jahren #23

a bit of latin spirit in that conversation was needed :-)

Lance 🐝 Scoular

Lance 🐝 Scoular

vor 4 Jahren #22

👥ed 🐝🐝🐤🐳🔥🚲

Matt Sweetwood

Matt Sweetwood

vor 4 Jahren #21

Thanks you for continuing the conversation! And while there are many examples of marriages that are wonderful, there i not denying the statistics. A successful marriage requires both people to be in it for the right reasons. Human nature and a greedy system require the change I suggested in my article.

Lance 🐝 Scoular

Lance 🐝 Scoular

vor 4 Jahren #20

Pt2/2 🦋 "In a garden" 🌱🌷🌼🌻🌲 says Chase, "growth has its season. There are Spring and Summer but there are also Fall and Winter 🍃🍁🍂 and then Spring and Sumner again. 🌾🌹🌺 As long as the roots are not severed all is well and all will be well." 🌲💐🌸🌿☘ =========== Love and marriage also have their seasons. David, your first list qualities above, from our parents generation (I am 68 and my wife younger 😊) tended to give us the "roots" for the bad season in our garden of LIFE. My wife Sandie and I have had our "Winters." Not "Winters of Discontent" but winters of hibernating in preparation for a new Spring. Aided by 🐝🐝🐝🐝, the outcome is 🍯. The flavour of the 🍯 changes as our love matures.

Lance 🐝 Scoular

Lance 🐝 Scoular

vor 4 Jahren #19

Part 1/2 David, I read this earlier to day and then again. Watched the Jack Nicholson & Hellen Hunt clip. Read your Catching Butterflies post and this end passage made my mind jump to an interesting book... ..."So better change your strategy, and enhance your “garden”, yourself, your environment, the things you do, how you do them, get rid of the “garbage”, act as if you were used to be surrounded by butterflies, and they will come pleasantly and willingly to pose in your nose." And the book is one of my favourite Audible books, Being There by Jerzy Kosinski, Narated by Justin Hoffman. And the part in the book your Butterfly flew me to was where the President of the United States of America asks the books unlikely hero, Chase the gardener, "And you Mr Gardener, what do you think about the bad season on the street?" Chance flustered within, reflects to the only love he has ever had, his garden, reflects, then calmly says. Pt2...

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

vor 4 Jahren #18

#18
It is I who is blessed with your humbling thoughts. Thank you

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #17

#16
What three big concepts I forgot to include in the buzz, thank you Harvey Lloyd : Commitment, building and maintaining. Impossible to have a long lasting relationship without them. Well done, Harvey, a usual is a pleasure reading your enlightening comments.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #16

#15
your words of "do what is in the best interests of both persons" makes me think about the other day, when my love told me how could it be I was all the time thinking about how to make her feel better. My response was, that this was my purpose, to make her happy. She asked, what are you doing for yourself to be happy? My answer, I don't know, I am somehow blind to it, this is your purpose, not mine. To give not expecting a payback, this is love. Out of this, is a trade, if you do expect a payback. So I see you have a three strands cord: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

vor 4 Jahren #15

Great post and i would suspect that as the word love has evolved within media so marriage has evolved. Marriage is a commitment of a shared journey. The grass is always greener on the other side but even that grass will require maintaining at some point. I went to a conference on marriage and the speaker really brought forward the concept of where marriage has failed. We spend more time designing and purchasing a home or a car than we spend on "building" our marriage. This statement really struck me, mainly because i had never considered that building a marriage was necessary as we loved each other. Even further thought was perplexing, how do you build a marriage? I had nothing. The next few years i started to understand that building a marriage was going through change and understanding the bridges that needed to be built for the next leg of the journey. Previously i had only seen these bridges as my spouses need to change or she looking at me and expecting me to change. We laugh at it now but it was a challenging time in our life and i am glad that we learned how to build bridges together. Great post and thoughts.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #14

#13
This is why I added the link to the butterflies buzz at the end. Sometimes we are wrong on trying to find love in the first place, instead of building ourselves first, to have something to share with.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

vor 4 Jahren #13

#12
I love your descripition David Navarro L\u00f3pez! Love does change and sadly there will always be some who don't experience it. I hope one day they do if they choose or can find true love. It's well worth the trials and tribulations that most couples face.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #12

#11
Exactly dear Lisa, "Marriages that work develop love that is not easy to explain" If one has only experienced the lack of it, can only see what love is not, but not what it really is. Love changes, due to the fact that each individual changes too, and this make the relationship, change, evolve, and in the best case, to get enhanced. I saw many times my parents understanding each other just with a glance. Later, I have been able to experience it myself, and it is much more enriching as it seems at first sight. Both enter in a secret place on which no one except them can see clearly what goes on, a safe place on which everything is simple, clear and secure. This secret place can only be built by the complicity, together with forgetting willingly some of our "selfish rights", in order to taste the overwhelming flavour of the honey of having the soul caressed, abandoned to each other.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

vor 4 Jahren #11

Well said David Navarro L\u00f3pez. Marriage is give and take. It's mutual and doesn't come without it's challenges. There are many legitimate reasons not to stay in a marriage, eg: Abuse, cheating, no love or friendship and the list can go on. But, we all face challenges IE: raising children together, work, finances, differing opinions and more- those things can be remedied and with time, we move on and appreciate where we were vs. where we are today. Marriages that work develop love that is not easy to explain. Love changes with time. It becomes a deep and rooted friendship along with respect and understanding of the other that changes the dynamics. Thanks for this.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
It is telepathy and synchronicity between us dear David Navarro L\u00f3pez. Please write your buzz

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #9

OH, Oh, how could I have missed it? I will look at it. Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee Now i understand your words "Isn't this a form of turning the simple into complex? " In the other hand, the maintenance issue is a complex issue. It was, it is and it will be. It is funny you mention it, because I was thinking on writing a buzz

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#7
You know better my friend David as you are in the maintenance and repair business. You know well that sometimes you were called over long distances to repair a machine and to your surprise the repair was so simple to avoid attention. Isn't this a form of turning the simple into complex? For more details, you may check my buzz of today. BTW- I wrote a presentation on "Customers Maintenance" two years ago. Maintenance is needed for humans as much as we need it for machinery.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #7

#6
Yes. We need fewer repairmen for our cars and more shrinks to repair our minds. (LOL)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
There are imposed or unavoidable complexities such as those resulting from massive social interactions and technological developments. Add to this the resulting distractions. Take for example the driverless car. It shall need no drivers, accident-free driving, no repair shops, much less maintenance and spare parts, no need for car insurance, no parking services and the list goes on. The complexity for the society shall be finding jobs for so many lost jobs. This is just one example my friend.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #5

Katja Bader

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #4

#2
BTW, you are "guilty" about this buzz, responding to your words "you attracted my eye with your paradox "No wonder I have fallen in love with her so badly.". This is a buzz on its own." If I could write it, is because I lived it.

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #3

#2
I am not too sure if complexities of life have made the change. In the past they were complexities too. I believe it obeys to the fact that human values are undervalued nowadays, and we give more value to our own success or happiness in a selfish way. Paradoxically, on the present days, we have fewer problems than in the past. We have now 40 hours weekly works, well paid, in the best conditions ever, human rights assured, social benefits, you name it. But together with it, it seems that egocentrism is the "trending topic" I, me and myself. And love, which is contrary to egocentrism, on which marriages should have the basement on, is now just a shadow of what it used to be. People get married to accomplish a self-realisation, instead of thinking about forming a family from which more love can be formed and shared.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

"In short, we have forgotten that marriage is “us” instead of “I and you”. Yes, spot on and in one capturing line you said it all. The inverted pyramid of love has caused so many problems in our lives. I wonder David Navarro L\u00f3pez if the complexities of life have changed us to invert love not into inverted sugar, but to bitter grapes. This is a very interesting topic. Your butterfly buzz is equally impressive. Sharing

David Navarro López

David Navarro López

vor 4 Jahren #1

I tried to include the link to the video of As good as it gets on the buzz, with no success. Here is the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A75AgrH5eqc

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